Gender Expectations

[minx]

have you ever stopped to analyse why we, as male or female, act & feel the way we do?

how much, do you think is predestined, and how much is due to social expectation?

there is some truth, in my opinion, to the theory that imposing 'role behaviour' on us, based on our gender, causes more misery and frustration in our adult lives than we realise.

[Ellechim]

I ponder this often.
I'm not too good at putting my feelings into thought on this( for now), but my youngest daughter is very tom-boyish and can't stand girly things, but I put this down to her age and personality that she is a non- conformist.

She wears boy's clothes, she hates Barbie and to be honest, a couple of years ago she received a barbie doll for her birthday and that Barbie is buried in the back garden never to be heard or seen of again.

Her teachers were at one time worried that she had gender issues, I dissagreed and argued that what does it matter if she wants to be boyish, she is an individual who doesn't conform to the girly world veiw.
Maybe she will change, and if not it' s not a problem with me or her dad.

because of a recent illness she had, she lost her hair and now her hair is growing back and she gets styling gel and tries to get her hair to look like The Doctor (Dr Who-David Tennant) I love her for it.

Basically , why should we be just male and female, straight etc.
We are all born the way we are, . If a lad wants to be a ballet dancer or a drag queen, why should society be offended???

But unfortunatley society does get offended at what it has not been conditioned to understand and it is conditioning that causes the problems.
How we should be, how we should act, Marriage, babies, a job , a home, normality. Society cannot abide what it has never been taught to accept.
But hopefully things are changing and one day society will not even bat an eyelid if our sons and daughters tell us they are gay, bisexual, a tomboy, a transvestite, a make up fiend (boys) or your girl wants to play football, etc, etc.
Society needs to change, not those who society deems as effeminate or to boyish.

Sorry to ramble but sometimes I get so sad and uptight over these issues. I also have hope that things can change.

[minx]

absolutely agree with everything you've said there, Ellechim.

also, the issue of social expectations of gender-related behaviour can put so much stress on a person. a man is considered a 'man' if he appears to be strong, dependable, the breadwinner. he is supposed to be, in a heterosexual marriage, the one who the wife and children lean on, look up to.

so - how does that happen? one day, he is a little boy, & many little boys are soft, sensitive. along the years, they learn it isn't 'correct' to be so, and therefore keep their emotional needs in check, & try to live up to the desired image. but that little boy is still in there. he still needs to show his weaknesses, his fears - he needs reassurance just like anyone else. the frustration, the battle between what he needs, and how he has to appear, builds up. he can't cry - that would show he is weak. he can't ask for help - that would mean he isn't strong, the leader.

i think we all have a lot to learn about the impact of social expectations - it's certainly something worth looking at and thinking about.

[Mary]

Sure seems mostly social and as you and Ellechim are saying, Minx, look at all the heck it brings people when they jump those barriers. One good thing, here in the U.S., I keep hearing how studies say, gay, gay marriage, gender roles are increasingly non-issues the younger we go in the opinion polls. Younger ones are increasingly saying to heck with making it an issue.

[LydaRose]

The funny thing is that if sex roles were innate, people all over the world would behave in much more similar fashions. But no. In some societies women work their tails off in the community for family income, while many of their men hang out in the cafes and uphold the culture and their family's place in it. In other cultures (including my mom's 1950s American culture) the men work their tails off for income allowing the women to concentrate on childrearing and volunteering in the community. Those are just two examples of many, many variations.

In western cultures with our emphasis on personal freedom the chains of expectations are loosening at various rates. But sociologists and anthropologists can tell you that for some societies an ordered culture is more prized than personal freedom. Freedom can be lonely and scary. If a person knows what his/her role is, and s/he belongs to a calm, prosperous family/community, life can be quite satisfying, I understand.

But perhaps not for me.

[Xeni]

Sexual based stereotypes are needed in the modern world in order to simplify everything. It tells designers how their product should be shaped, it tells marketers what colors to use in their advertising scheme, et cetera...

They usually work as the basics of the stereotype are right, but in detail they're pointless... Especially now with these walls being ripped apart, not only girls and gays wear pink clothes and perfume anymore; and no longer is it only men who're interested in all things spiky and metallic.
I can't actually think of a girl/guy exclusive type that is still enforced now...


Androgynous advertising was made to keep some type of order to this, that's why on professional adverts, be it for cooking, cleaning, or car maintenance, they usually feature both sexes; targeting certain social groups over sex'.

[Mary]

Sexual based stereotypes are needed ....... tells designers how their product should be shaped,

and........

nice X....carli?

Yay, Lyda, good cross-cultural point. And the West in in "flux", lol, right now. How to Be Different........written by everyone trying to figure out how to be effectively different. Ineffectively different won't help, lol.

[minx]

your point "it simplifies everything" Xeni, is a very good one. it does, on the surface. it seems human nature has a need to file things in certain boxes, but we humans are not that easy to label..

i sometimes feel sad that we all have an unspoken reputation to live up to - as a woman, a mother, daughter, partner... its hard to feel i'm reaching the expected levels all the time, in fact i can't, and although with maturity i realise this is perfectly ok to just be the best i can.. the deep-seated social expectations still cause guilt to some degree.

similarly - teenagers are bombarded by the image of how they are 'supposed' to be, look, feel - and they are increasingly becoming the high statistic group of emotional problems such as self-harm, depression, underage drinking etc etc..